Now you can too!
Click here to meet THE GREAT DESTROYER OF WORLDS. No, but really. He wants to talk to you!
SUBMIT TO THE DARK LORD.
With one easy payment of 1 million trillion your couch goes to college dollars.
Please send to the moon or my Jeep or my dog.
“Walking down the street — 3am, staring at my feet. Keep the bitchface on so they’ll leave you alone. We shouldn’t have to live in constant fear just cause some dumbfuck can’t handle his beer. Show them who has the power here. ‘Cause they can yell and they can leer, but you’re the stronger one, dear. They won’t ever shut us up — they can try but they’ll fail. ‘Cause there’s strength in numbers, and there’s more of us than them. Tell all your girlfriends and we’ll fuck their shit up. We’ve got your backs if you have ours — we’ll have those motherfuckers seeing stars. Consenting culture, grrrlz — it’s kind of a thing. You can keep your curls and your diamond rings. We don’t care if you’re waiting for your white knight. Give an enthusiastic YES! Or put up a fucking fight. Show the boys we aren’t to be used, ‘cause we’re all well-versed on what it’s like to be abused. You don’t have to give up anything, just don’t be an asshole — it’s kind of a thing.”
This is not a joke. You’re not being at all clever. It’s dark and I’m alone and you’re bigger than I am. Probably stronger. So when you cruise by and say, “Hey baby, you don’t need to call me, I’m already here” and “Your ride’s here, baby girl”, you’re nothing to me but another threat — another obstacle between me and my way home. But you get pissed off because I refuse to laugh. Well, I don’t have to smile. I don’t fucking owe you my goddamn smile. My smile is not some fucking peace treaty between us. Your attempt at humorous flirtation is gross and misplaced. Get lost.
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